"Old Butch" - from my ND cousin

My Uncle John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. (Think principals evaluating teachers.)

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint LawrenceCounty Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.

From Fred

    I mistakenly assumed at the outset that the BIG GAME was Michigan St.-Notre Dame, a game that I missed because, I too, go to be at 9 p.m.

    Gene Chizik and Brian Kelly are forever wedded in my less-than-nimble mind.  At precisely the same moment I read in the local paper that Brian Kelly was departing my beloved CMU for Iowa St., Iowa St. was announcing it selection of Chizik.

    Kelly went to Cincinnati instead.  He dumped them for Notre Dame like Chizik dumped Iowa St. for Auburn.  The difference is that Kelly left behind two conference championships and an appearance in the Orange Bowl.

    Kelly is an incredible coach.  He has built a program, not just a team, everywhere he's been.  At the end of last season his three teams had a combined record of 35-5; Grand Valley St., 12-1; Central Michigan, 12-2; and Cincinnati, 11-2.  I expect the same at Notre Dame.  Besides, he's an Irish Catholic.

    I'm not a Notre Dame fan (or an Irish Catholic fan), but I do find myself humming their fight song every now and then.

    Thanks for sharing.  It was great fun.

---

ASFTS responds: My cousin who teaches in Singapore told me there’s no need to waste time watching these games. Since Singapore is 17 hours ahead of Iowa, all I have to do is e-mail him and he’ll tell me the scores well before the games even begin. Might be a good thing. By the way, he said Central by a field goal at Evanston this weekend. Hope this doesn’t spoil it for you.

I blame Chizik

I knew I couldn't stay awake for the BIG GAME. So, I set and double-checked the DVR for ESPN; kick-off slated for 9:30 CDT. I'm in bed by 9:00, secure in the knowledge that I'll be up in 7 hours ready to enjoy the game in complete solitude. I'm up at 4:30, no alarm needed. No Sunday Register at that time of day, but I don't want to know the DMR's take on the game anyway. I want this game denovo.

I make coffee, get a cup, pull my chair up close to the TV and click the "GO" button on the DVR. Up comes Chizik and his Auburn Tigers vs. Clemson. Have I recorded the wrong game? No. The meaningless game (to me) is knotted at 24 and going into overtime and ESPN says the Iowa-Arizona game will follow immediately after the overtime. Will they delay the start in Tucson, so we can see the whole game?

By now, I've forgotten that I'm watching on DVR and twenty minutes later Chizik gets the win and goes nuts. ESPN switches to IA-AZ and the score is already IA 0 - AZ 14. How can that be? My first thought is that there's a technological snafu and ESPN has the score backwards.

No. The score's right and it finally dawns on me that the entire Iowa-based Hawkeye nation has been (or was 7 hours ago) glued to their TVs watching the much despised Chizik glory in a victory. Had a million Iowans actually been able to see the first half of the first quarter, our mere presence could have telepathically zapped the calamity that infected  Iowa's start to the game.

I finally remember that I'm watching on DVR, so I fast-forward through the commercials and the halftime chitchat. The game gets good; Iowa pulls into a 27-all tie, and the Hawkeyes have the ball. Then, the damn recording stops. That's all the time the mindless DVR had alloted for the game. As far as the DVR knows, the game is over. I'm pissed.

By this time Jodie is up and she's looking at the Register. She mistakenly understands from the paper's jubilation over the late-game tie, that Iowa had won. I'm elated, but decide to read the story myself. Not so; no win; still tied. The Register went to press before the game ended. But, there's still hope. No news is good news. I run to my computer. Not good news. The Register's website tells the rest of the story. I blame Chizik, and I'm really pissed. I need a nap; better go to church.